Friday, December 9, 2011

Where I enter the mind of an SUV Driver (Part 2)...

The rules of the road, from inside the mind of someone who drives an SUV (Part 2):

7. "I've known that I need to merge for over a mile now, but I'm going to wait until the last possible moment. I'm bigger than everyone else, so they have to let me in."

8. "The emergency shoulder? Oh, that's for me to use when traffic is at a stand still and I have to exit. I shouldn't have to sit in traffic! The cars that are trying to enter the highway while I'm trying to exit on the shoulder have to watch out for me!"

9. "I've known for 3 miles that I've needed to exit on the right, but I'm going to wait until the last possible second to cross three lanes of traffic to exit. Why would I drive any slower than I have to leading up to my exit?"

10. "I only need to drive with one hand, bitches. That leaves my other hand free to talk on my cell phone, send that super important text message, surf the internet, apply my mascara, or eat a taco from Taco Bell!"

11. "I need to drive an SUV because I drive in Chicago during the winter. An SUV is the safest thing to drive in the snow, and I don't need to slow down at all!"

P.S. I'd like to thank Google Images for its invaluable help on these last two posts. Google images rules!

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