Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Where I share the important real estate lessons I've learned from Paranormal TV Shows...

When it comes to buying a house, paranormal television shows have taught me a few deal breakers:

1. Don't buy a house that has the words "Leave or Die" painted in red on the siding. I kid you not, there was a couple who bought a house in El Dorado, Oklahoma. Before they bought the house, and were looking at it, they saw in big red letters, the words "Leave or Die" painted on the back of the house. I believe they actually said something like, "Oh, we thought nothing of it, and went ahead and bought the house."

At this point in the show, I paused the playback and shouted at the TV, "No! You don't buy the 'Leave or Die' house! You deserve whatever's coming to you!"

Needless to say, things did not go well for them.

2. If you're buying a house, and it's been vacant for a while, don't buy it if there's a room that has a pentagram painted in it. "Where Evil Lurks."

You would almost think that this is a no-brainer. But then again, so does the first item on my list.

The couple in question here was looking for a larger home in Arkansas. They bought this 1700s era house, at a far lower price than they thought it was worth (another red flag). Before buying the home they walked through it and came across a bedroom that had a boarded up fireplace that had pentagrams and other symbols painted on it.

They "thought nothing of it," bought the house, cleaned up that room, and made it their young son's bedroom. Yup, you read that right.

To make a long story short, the house was a portal for demons. Huzzah. They had the house "cleansed," but a few months later a new demon came through the still open portal. They moved.

ADDED NOTE OF INTEREST: Should you choose to go ahead and buy a house with a pentagram painted on the floor, do not sweep up the circle of salt that surrounds it. You'll release the demons.

3. If there is a cemetery within line of sight of your potential house, think hard about it. If you find actual grave stones on the property - DON'T BUY IT.

"Bone Crusher."

In this episode of "The Haunted," a family buys an old house, and they discover what looks to be some old gravestones towards the back of the property. The young wife/matriarch finds what appears to be a human bone (or maybe the family dog brings it to her). Rather than, I don't know, rebury it, a friend of the husband's crushes it into a powder. Because desecration of human remains is always a good idea, right?

This episode also includes another pet peeve of mine - when a husband thinks his wife is a lunatic because she's telling him that she thinks the house is haunted. I've told my husband that if he ever does this to me, I will be incredibly upset with him. I assured my husband that if I ever tell him that I think our house it haunted, I mean it.

I don't think I need to explain to you that things didn't go well for this family.

4. Hypothetically, let's say you've already bought the house. While doing renovations, you tear up the floor in the master bedroom and underneath the old flooring, you find what appears to be a very large, but old blood stain. Then when you tear up the kitchen floor, down to the dirt, and your dog comes up with what appears to be a human leg bone. Then, for no apparent reason (like no earthquakes, no natural explanation), three mirrors in different parts of the house fall down and shatter in quick succession.

Solution: MOVE.

Yes, I know the housing market sucks. But in this case, foreclosure is a valid option. Sure, you'll wreck your credit. Sure, you'll probably be renting for a while. But, you won't have the constant threat of being pushed down the stairs and breaking your jaw on the marble floors. You probably won't have the vivid nightmares anymore, and you most likely won't have your dogs barking at (what looks to you like) nothing.

1 comment:

  1. Crazy stuff, that first story sent a few shivers up my spine.